Oregon has issues with drugs, it would seem.

Years ago the most excellent news program Frontline did a massive exposé on the meth trade along the i5 corridor. It was very well done. When Annette and I would travel across Oregon to Astoria for vacations we’d stop in small towns to take on fuel and observe the locals: “user, user, user, dealer, user,” etc.

When i finally moved to Oregon (about 712 days ago) i learned one can’t buy any products with pseudoephedrine, period. I asked the pharmacist, “hey, i’m over 21, i’ve got ID, i’m not looking for a caseload. I just want a decongestant that actually works.”

“Sorry, try California.” Ah, customer service at the Ashland Rite-Aid… it’s a joy.

Flash forward to last night. I picked Annette up at MFR, happy-hour flight down from PDX. We both have colds. Before heading back to the doublewide for the night we opted to stop by the famous Ashland Rite-Aid for some cough medicine and some pseudo-free decongestants. She went in unescorted. She attempted to purchase 1 double-pack of store-brand Nyquil, one bottle of store-brand cough suppressant with expectorant and one bottle of store-brand decongestant tablets.

Long story short: it took 20 minutes, a pharmacist’s sign off, and an ID verification to complete the sale. The chemical in question was dextromethorphan, but even the pharmacist was unsure what raised the red flag at the register. The volume? The fact it was in all three different products? No way to know.

I later discovered a further attempt to dissuade the ne’er-do-wells from chugging this shit: they added methyl cellulose to the syrup… giving it the consistency of rubber cement. Trying to drink the stuff brings to mind doing an oyster shooter taken from the sludge downstream from a chemical plant in New Jersey. Honestly… dextromethorphan? Weak synthetic codeine. The best it can do at high doses is moderate disassociative hallucinations with similarities to ketamine or, wait for it, PCP.

Here’s my plea: kids, stop chugging OTC junk in order to get high. Instead, finish high school, go to community college and get a two-year degree in something practical like automotive mechanics. Then transfer to a liberal arts college or university and, as part of your degree, take a bunch of chemistry classes and learn to make your own drugs. It’s NOT HARD! Try taking the long view for a change.

The problem with recreational drugs today, aside from the shoddy quality, is users burn up all their resources buying the junk retail. Then they resort to robbery… robbery leads to assault, etc., etc. Invest the time and learn to make your drug of choice yourself and it’s a win/win/win situation. Just as Chris Rock pointed out, “Gun control? We don’t need gun control. What we need is bullet control!” Same thing with recreational drugs.

“Man, i really want to get high… but i can’t afford anything good… so i guess i’ll have to go to school and learn a trade, then get some experience with chemical engineering… and set up a little home lab… and get a job so i can buy precursors and reactants… then i’ll be golden!”