Day 1018 – So Far From Baltimore

I may have watched the two worst movies recently made by the “political-entertainment” complex of Hollywood. See, i watched Danny Boyle’s “Sunshine” and Frank Miller’s “300” basically back-to-back.

Both of these guys A: need a hug, and B: need to come out of the freakin’ closet! Honestly guys, just admit you’re gay, you’re rich, and it is FABULOUS.

I’m way behind the curve on popular culture, so maybe you’ve both already come out… but for the love of god start acting like it. Be gay… and not some pathetic caricature of what “American men” are supposed to be like. You’re role models you dopes… stop being pawns.

On another topic, it’s stuff like this that reminds me we all have to make a living.

Health insurance for another year. Yes!I understand, a paycheck is a paycheck. But after watching Dominic West in “The Wire” i’m a bit more than bummed to see him turn up in the positively ludicrous “300.” Don’t get me wrong, he does a fine job as a smarmy politician (just the kind of personality he fights against in “The Wire”) but i don’t know if i’ll ever be able to watch “The Wire” and not think of him in a toga.

Likewise, Danny “Trainspotting” Boyle needs to sit down and really get a grip on his gender preference. Just admit it, you love freakish, scruffy guys. It’s ok. You’re still rich, just deal with it. You’ll make better movies.

“Sunshine” has to be the absolute worst piece of sci-fi crap to come along since “Event Horizon” or you-name-it. Honestly… the premise is worse than “The Matrix”. It’s bad enough to think that humans are energy *sources* (we are energy *sinks*, we don’t generate anything, we convert chemical energy to heat and without the sun and chlorophyll we are worthless as a source of anything besides fertilizer), but to entertain even for a moment that anything from this teensy planet could revitalize the sun is so far-fetched as to be simply stupid. You could throw the whole earth at a near-death sun and it wouldn’t even cause a burp. That a big space ship could somehow deliver a payload that would have any effect on solar fusion is beyond laughable. I’m fine with suspension of disbelief, but i’m not that desperate for entertainment, nor do i think for a nanosecond that humans are that influential in the evolution of the universe.

Then to see that bizarre neanderthal Cillian Murphy play a physicist. You might as well simply have the crew meet god, negotiate a deal that re-energizes the sun, and have them come home heroes. He was fine as the “is he infected? is he not?” psychopath of “28 Days Later” but as a “normal” human who is supposed to be super-smart and the saviour of the world he falls just a tad short. And furthermore, what is the point of having the whole cast die horrible deaths? The whole thing is doomed from the start! Give back the money you pathetic hack of a director. Stick to something you have a feel for: infanticide stemming from drug abuse. Go get a hug you sorry tool.

To quote C.J. Cregg “They were BAD movies Roger!!”

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